How To Recognize and Deal with Controlling People

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    Why do people end up trapped in relationships withsomeone who has a controlling, even abusive, personality?

    The main attraction of the controlling person is his charming and disarming façade while he’s in thebeginning stage of obtaining what he wants. (Both men and women can have a Controlling Personality; jordan high heels  inthis post, I’m using “he” for simplicity’s sake.)

    His dedication to the person he’s zoomed in on is flattering and intoxicating. The big red flag, though, isthe short time frame and the intensity of his onslaught.

    Everyone is infatuated with the start of a new romance. It feels good to explore someone new and to slowlyreveal yourself to them in return. But the controlling individual comes on much too fast. He’ll shower youwith gifts, attention and adoration. He’ll immediately talk about significant future plans such as children,Scarpe MBT  marriage and things which normally take time to unfold.

    #1: He’ll probably have a scary temper. It will be directed toward others and not you. He will quicklydismiss his temper under the guise of being someone else’s fault.

    #2: He’ll talk a lot about incidents where he needed to stand up for himself. Maybe he gets intofights or had to tell off his boss because he didn’t like an assignment.Nike heels   He may say that his relatives considerhim the black sheep of the family.

    #3: He can switch from mean to sweet at the drop of a hat. The worst sign is if he ever hits you, evenonce, or hurts you physically. No matter what he says, it’s deliberate. Get out of the relationship immediatelyand do not look back.

    #4: He doesn’t have friends – or if he does, they’re all people like him. Ask yourself, do you like hisfriends? If the answer is no, step back.

    #5: Your parents, siblings and friends dislike him.Jordan Heels  Don’t assume that they simply misunderstand him,and don’t let him convince you that they’re being jealous.

    #6: He treats people badly. Look at how he behaves towards people who are obligated to serve him, likewaitresses, store clerks and cab drivers.

    The Dangers of a Relationship with a Controller

    Suppose you don’t recognize a Controller’s character or you’re so blown over by his love and devotion thatyou end up trapped in a relationship with him. What happens to you?

    First and foremost, you are going to be abused, if not physically then verbally, probablyboth. Abuse thwarts positive psychological development. You lose the basic sense of safety. Youconstantly expect to be attacked, woman jordan heels and gradually you lose your positive self-esteem. Your life becomes oneof heartache and emotional damage. You know you are being hurt on purpose, but you can’t stop it.

    You lose your zest for life because so much energy goes into placating the Controller and indefending yourself. The longer you stay in the relationship with a Controller, the more you will be hurt.Your life becomes centered on this one individual and this is exactly what he wants.

    He isolates you. You have no support group, probably not even family members. You have your self-esteem so battered you become too weak to resist. If you do reach out for support from a friend, yourabuser will destroy the friendship.

    Any and all attempts to escape will be met with promises to change, threats, and constantattention until you give up and go back into the relationship. Don’t be fooled. Air Jordan High Heels A controller will panicif they think you are going to break up with them. He’ll do anything: cry, plead and promise to change(especially promise to change). He’ll offer anything and he’ll finally threaten suicide.

    Remember, you are not responsible for him. Don’t go back to him: instead of changing,nike high heels  he’ll simply build ahigher fence and make it impossible for you to leave again.

    Escape – And Don’t Go Back

    Now you recognize the Controller, what course of action is open to you?

    Don’t get involved – no matter how charming and physically attractive he/she is. If it’s too late andyou are already trapped and fenced in, emotionally punch and kick your way free and DO NOT GO BACK.

    Once you escape, don’t look for the same kind of controlling person again. MBT Schuhe  There are plenty of good peopleout there who are much more worthy of your love and attention.